Ages Past

So, I'm going to begin my blog by explaining exactly what i do...

I work for part of the Billing department in a major UK power company. We have two main functions.
First we fix accounts that aren't billing properly, this is usually due to meter readings not existing, being too high, being too low or making no sense at all.
Secondly we call customers in the evening to get meter readings for the gas and electricity, and this is where the fun begins. A lot of people can't read their meter, for various reasons, fair enough, but some of the things that confuse them are beyond comprehension.

So, let's have a few examples...

• Called Mrs Jones (All customers will have falsified names, mainly because I can't remember their names by now) She happily confirms her postcode and the first line of her address, but once I ask her for a meter read she gets defensive. "What are you going to use this information for?" she asks. To bill you I reply. "How do i know that you're not a load of con men trying to scam me out of my money?!" er...what? I really want to know how she thinks I can scam her using a meter reading. Oh well.

• Called Mr Brown, he asks if i can call him back in ten minutes because he's just putting his kids to bed. I hang up and call back ten minutes later, he has turned his mobile phone off. Git.

Sometimes it's customer's names that confuse us, for example:

• Mr Jesus Christ God Of Power. No I'm not joking... according to the notes on our system the man truly believes this and once called up and demanded to know why his bills were being sent to his real name. He also let a meter reader in to the property then proclaimed that we could not cut off his electricity because he was Jesus Christ God Of Power, and he would cut off our electricity instead.

• The DEHD. Turns out it's the Defence Estates Housing Directorate, but the name gave us a giggle, especially when we found a note saying "Received a letter from the DEHD stating that Mrs Berkley had moved out and the DEHD took over on that date". For non-English speakers DEHD as a single word would be pronounced dead.

Now and then meter readers confuse or amuse us:

• Can't read meter, puppy in the way.

• Can't read meter, customer has built a wall in front of it.

• Can't read meter, customer answered door naked and refused entry.

• Could not read meter, customer was visible hiding behind a chair in the living room and refused to answer door.

• Checked meter, nothing wrong, customer is taking the piss.

And finally, sometimes it's the customers themselves that make us scratch our heads:

• A meter reader was sent out to check on a meter that wasn't showing any usage for a while, he couldn't get access because the homeowner was out, he left a card and continued on his way. The next note on the account was from a social worker dealing with the customer's affairs, the note said that they believed that there was no usage of gas because the woman had believed that aliens were coming in through the gas pipes at night and had turned it off at the master shut-off. A later not said she had been detained under the mental health act. I felt very sorry for her.

So there we go, just a small sample of the craziness I've experienced so far. I'll update this blog as i encounter more weird and wonderful people.